RS: My New Year's Resolution

This year I resolve not to make any resolutions. I am tired of having my 10 year plan revised annually. I am tired of being rushed into making plans purely because the calendar changes. And I am tired of feeling like a failure come MLK Jr's birthday because I cannot sustain a course plotted two weeks earlier.

So, I will not resolve to lose weight this year. I lost a fair amount last year and every ounce was worked off not wished off.

I will not resolve to try something new--like the time I planned to try a threeway and ended up in a six month dysfunctional relationship with Ben and Jerry. All I ended up with is the biggest bottom in the free world.

I will not resolve to stop looking for love and learning to love myself. I've tried both and loving someone else is just more fun. In the words of Stephen Sondheim, "Alone is alone, not alive" and in the words of Don Black and Charles Hart (music by Andrew Lloyd Webber) "Love changes everything" and in the words of Barbara Mandrell "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right" and in the words of those 70s bumper stickers "Honk if you're horny." Yes, I am fine living my year in sound bites. I know that someone said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Truth is, I can't remember who said that and I am clearly too lazy to do any research.

I will not resolve to be a better person. I am shallow, selfish, and solipsistic. I have made my peace with it. Sorry world, but if I have to choose between sponsoring a child in a third world country and buying a new Prada jacket (possibly made by a child in a third world country), I will pick the new wardrobe. I am not proud of that, but I ain't gonna lie about it--to myself or anyone else.

I will not resolve to go to the gym, eat better or drink less. I will not resolve to get more involved. I will not resolve to give more to charity. The planet has enough toxic air. I need not pollute it with well-intentioned but empty promises.

I will not resolve to keep in touch better. I am bad at it. I get caught up in the dailiness of life and new tricks just get harder and harder as this old dog gets creekier and creekier. I will keep friends, old and new, close to heart and close in mind--that I've mastered.

I will not resolve to work less. I need to stay fed, both stomach and ego. I will get worn down, too tired, crabby, overextended, and frustrated. And I'll do it again.

Last year was a good year. And I don't remember a single resolution I made last January. So, I will focus on looking back on what I accomplish this year (whatever that ends up being) instead of obsessing about promises unfulfilled.

Perhaps, then, I won't live with looming failure--and 2008 may just turn out to be a happy new year indeed.